Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Daily Tea: Are You in a Bad Romance?

Question: You have one person who is nice to you and financially stable. They are what you always wanted in those ways but you just aren't into them. And you have another person who you are passionate about. You love them physically and they make you feel like no one else does. Yet they are flaky and not that dependable. Who do you choose?

Long before Lady Gaga's hit, many of us found ourselves in a bad romance. It's human nature. Men like a woman that has a spunk and sass about her and sexual prowess. Yet they want her to behave like a lady otherwise. Woman love a bad boy. They love the guy that drives their parents crazy and provides that good love that feels right but is wrong for them. Why do we always want the one that is wrong for us? Society sets us up to believe that nice guys finish last. If you have morals and are straight laced, you are deemed boring. However, isn't the good guy/girl the one that we should seek out?

Love. Profanity aside, there is no other four letter word that is more polarizing and complicated than the word love. It has been studied by psychologists, tried by generations, documented by poets, and denounced by those scorned.
Can love conquer all?
A friend and I have been involved in a discussion about love for some time now. The topic centers around love for life- marriage, civil unions, long term partners. Why do people get married? For love? Could it be possible that people marry only for stability, whether it's financial or social stability? Of course. The question lies in which is more important. Think about your love history. There is always that one person who makes your heart go wild. They stir up every shred of passion that you never even knew was there. They strike fire in your loins, they warm your heart, and they evoke the biggest smile possible. Yet, they are otherwise horrible for you. We all fall in love with what isn't best for us. I know from experience that the one person that had the most impact on me emotionally and physically is also the absolute worst person I could ever be involved with.
What about the other person who we encounter?
They are nice, dependable, and may be stable financially. They are everything that your mother wants for you. However, something is missing.

I asked a few friends and most claimed that they would not choose the one that they had lukewarm feelings for. They would rather give the one that they have strong feelings for a chance, even if it meant waiting on them to change.
Of course, most people that I asked are rather free in thinking and we all admitted that a more conservative person would choose someone based on stability rather than love.

Long term love may not be about love at all. It's about a decision.
Most people have to choose what they can live with. We rarely find someone who we are both passionate about and also have the utmost faith in to take care of us.
What is the correct way of thinking? Do you go for your heart or do you do the practical thing? There are instances in which both choices lead to the same person but that's rare. We reach an age when knowing you can count on someone begins to overshadow how much they drive you crazy. It can be compared to working for money or working for what you love to do. Some people spend their life preparing for that six figure job that they may hate but it allows them to achieve a certain comfort and standing in society. Others would rather take pay cuts to be able to do something that they love. With love, which do you choose? Would you rather be with someone that you could learn to love but doesn't fulfill your heart's desires? Or would you rather be with the person that you are passionate about and take the chance that they will change? I heard a woman recently say that marriage was not about who you love but who you could get used to. That may seem extreme but happens all of the time. No one is going to possess everything that you need in a mate. Some come close.

If most would choose the flaky lover, what does this mean? We all want someone who is dependable but we have instincts that lead us to someone who isn't good for us. I feel like I'm ultimately a good guy. I don't live recklessly but I fall for the wrong ones. Does this mean that good people are doomed and suffer from a fate inflicted upon them by their own logic?

I'm not in this dilemma now but it has always been something I thought about. Most issues with love center around this choice.
Who would you choose? And is there a correct choice?

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